Divorce course proves life changer for participants | Bay of Plenty News | Local News in Bay of Plenty

Signing up for a divorce care course was life changing in an unexpected way for Tauranga man Rob Cooke.

Shortly after completing the 13-week programme at the city's Holy Trinity Church he decided to train to become one of the course leaders, keen to share his own experiences to help others.

He had gone to the course after realising he wasn't coping too well when his marriage of 23 years ended. The emotional pain and sense of failure of the breakup had been overwhelming, he said.

The normally outgoing Tauranga dad remembers being engulfed by a depression so severe even his favourite activity of walking on the beach had become difficult to even contemplate.

"You feel like you are on the scrap heap," said Mr Cooke. "That you are useless, no one wants you any more and what's the point of going on."

Course leaders are well placed to offer help as all have been through a marriage breakup.

Andrea Billingsley, a counsellor, said they had received a huge amount of positive feedback from people whose lives had been changed after the course.

"One of the things you hear over and over is 'it's the best thing I ever did. I'm so glad I did it'."

The course is open to men and women and is free, although participants are encouraged to buy a course manual for $35. Teaching is from experts via video seminar and the real life stories of people who have been through divorce. There is Christian content in the video series but most material is practical advice applicable to anyone who has experienced a relationship breakdown.

Mr Cooke said many men were particularly hit hard by divorce, often being ill-equipped to deal with their problems without help. He said those who leapt straight into a new relationship without first dealing with their emotions were deluding themselves.

 "The danger is that you are then bringing all your past baggage and your problems with you into the next relationship and that relationship is then set to fail.

"You've got to process and sort out what went wrong first time. You've got to forgive, forget to some extent, and you've got to heal."

Ms Billingsley said women had an advantage in the way they coped with marriage breakdown.

"They make relationships with friends who have gone through similar experiences. They talk about it profusely."

• Contact Holy Trinity Church on 07 578 7718 for details of the course, which begins on July 26.