Child abuse will only get worse says Bay expert

| Bay of Plenty News | Local News in Bay of Plenty

CHILD abuse and violence in New Zealand will escalate unless offenders are severely punished and parents taught and given support to raise their children with love, a Bay child psychotherapist has warned.

Whakamarama-based Augustina Driessen has painted a bleak picture of what could happen if current trends surrounding abuse and violence are not reversed.

She said young people were "out of control" and were failing to develop empathy.

"They have no boundaries, no empathy. They do exactly what they like and there are no consequences. New Zealand is no longer safe. Our children are not safe. I don't feel safe,"said.

Her comments come at a time when the country is in shock from the death of three-year-old Nia Glassie, who was the victim of alleged abuse.

"What have we come to?" Mrs Driessen said. "It is time to stop talking. We must do something now.

"This is not just a Maori problem, or a problem of those on benefits. Children from many middle-class families are also growing up with no empathy, no boundaries, no respect for anyone else."

Change must begin with parents, Mrs Driessen said.

She also said child psychotherapists could tell by the time a child was 18 months old what sort of person he or she would become.

"If they are not shown love, contained (given boundaries for acceptable behaviour), given quiet times but instead are yelled at, abused, put in front of television to keep them entertained, their brains will not develop properly.

"They fail to grow the neurons needed to feel empathy for others and to exercise self-control.

"Love and emotional empathy are as important to human development and survival as the air we breathe and the water we drink. Without it children become dysfunctional."

It is for this reason Mrs Driessen wants to establish a parenting centre in Tauranga based on the teachings of the world's leading authority on attachment disorder, Dr Karl Heinze Brisch from Munich.

"To break the cycle we must teach many parents how to parent, to stop them bringing up their children as they were brought up.

"It is a privilege to have children. In extreme cases, some parents should never be allowed to have children again," she said.

"Children's Commissioner Cindy Kiro has said that a commitment and investment needs to be made in community centres working with parents and children to address the issues of lack of empathy and lack of parenting skills.

"Our organisation which aims to teach Dr Brisch's SAFE attachment programme for parents and BASE programme to teach empathy to pre-school children, will address both issues."

For those already before the courts, hard labour and no parole is the first step to ensuring they don't re-offend. "They must be made to feel something of what they have inflicted on their victims. Don't make prison a safe haven. Make them do hard labour so they will learn."

However, she has empathy for the perpetrators of violence against children and believes it is important to attempt to reform them. "I believe 99 per cent of people have some goodness in them. It may be hard to find. They have buried their vulnerable side as a way of self-protection because they have been brought up without love, empathy or boundaries.

"Some are beyond help. They will never be reformed. They have grown up without any love at all."

Mrs Driessen said that was no reason to go easy on bullies, particularly at school.

"We have had enough of soft talking to children in schools. They must be made aware of what behaviour is unacceptable and the consequences of continuing it," she said.